This is so powerful! The idea of welcoming reactivity and realizing it’s just one part of my whole experience is truly game-changing—I put it into practice just this afternoon. I had a plan to meet someone and I noticed that I was already tense and reactive even before I saw them. So, instead of resisting it, I welcomed all of it and reminded myself that it was only a small part of what was present. In my mind’s eye, I envisioned this vast, open space (it looked like the Albuquerque desert, probably because I’ve been rewatching Breaking Bad), with my reactivity as just a single tumbleweed drifting through it. (Un)surprisingly, I began to metabolize it. There were moments when reactivity was more intense, but by allowing it to exist without fighting it, I found I could keep it in perspective—and that led to a much more meaningful connection than I’d expected. Thank you!!
This is brilliant. It is of course perfectly timed too, as I am just beginning to experience the shift in my life that meditation can bring. I was ready for this concept and I love the catchy, memorable name of the analogy! I can even add to the analogy, placing that waxy buildup in the human ear. If not relieved, it eventually blocks "hearing". Simple daily practice prevents or removes it. Thank you for yet another simple but profound message!
Thank you for validating all those moments I felt like I needed to defend myself even in my most dearest relationships. I’ll learn from those reactive mistakes, even nurture them and be patient with metabolizing it even years later 🥹
Thanks Big J listened to this on Calm ( love the daily calm ) a few days ago I had been unwell, a couple of hospital visits, my patience was fractured . Everything became annoying my lovely wife of nearly 38 years bore the brunt of my childish behaviour.. so this was a Godsend.. a nudge to the ‘eye of the hurricane’ where calm was restored and true love took over ! Thanks my friend Big G x🙏🏼🧡
Thx. Good timing for this one. My build up is brimming. And causing me distress even as I understand the source. Being able to bring the time down a notch or two is helpful
It’s like a cup-of-soup meditation: happens in one sitting! Thanks a bunch. Halfway through, I started thinking, ‘Is this emotional suppression?’ Then you asked to be with it, and I could feel in my body that I wasn’t necessarily putting up with the ‘annoying behaviors from others close to me, or enabling them by not stopping them or reacting to them. I’m just living together and understanding they’re not mine. For the most part, I haven’t reacted to these waxy buildup because I don’t want to add fuel to the fire. Now it’s been reframed as compassion and generosity, which are emotions I live very well with. They keep me going. I’m excited to practice this meditation regularly. I’m also keen to explore other ways to be with waxy stuff. As always, 🙏🏽
How perfectly on point. When I first began meditating 10 years ago, it changed my life for many reasons, but especially because it made me aware of my reactivity and emotional drivers. That made me a better parent and spouse and I’m so grateful. But that work is never done. Thank you for this wisdom, guidance, and compassion!
I feel like the space I try to make doesn’t come with the awareness I need. This is a bit of reassurance that the awareness will come in time. So keep going.
Just listened to Waxy Build up” on Calm yesterday…so so beyond good and practical.
Reactivity guru here…lol. My husband calls me the grudge. 🤣 This longer sit was so great at bringing awareness to our reactivity and how to deal with and slowly hopefully heal it. Amazing.
I appreciate all your honesty with your dealings with reactivity, Jeff. So refreshing and liberating. Not sure if you have seen Gabor Maté’s doc “Physician Heal Thyself”: epic self-analysis/awareness and accountability by Maté. Thank you so much and take care.
So fitting for me, Jeff. Just call me Queen Reactive. Your reference to Shinzen Young is helpful, too, as I have listened to him guide me through a sitting with chronic pain from fibromyalgia. Thank you for this practice.
Thank you for this—I really needed to be reminded to notice my reactivity today! You always teach me something that makes me a little more present and mindful.
I’ve been a huge fan for a few years through (10%) Happier—especially love sharing your “welcome to the party” technique with anyone who will listen. And my daily practice was a huge support when I was diagnosed with ADHD at 63! Thank you for sharing your wisdom (and humor!). 🧘🏽♀️🤸🏽♂️🙏🏼💗
Hi Jeff and Team been a while for this little Aussie Lea Lea to comment. I registered for the Zoom call but 3am was too early funny thing is lately I wake at 1am and can't get back to sleep 💤 I'm both bi polar and peri menopausal so sleep is a constant battle do your daily calm sessions but end up falling asleep within minutes your voice is very soothing Jeff do now your putting me to sleep your my very own personal sleep story you share this title with Vera (Brenda Blenheim from the UK tv show) anyway great to be almost coherent again looking forward to hearing your do nothing project keep up the dulcet tones my brain 🧠 thanks you Aussie Lea Lea 🦘🦘🦘
Your voice is so calm during meditations I just can’t envision this! LOL ahhhh but we are all human beings FIRST!
Much thanks for this post….Im in sales and my ‘passion’ for everything helps me but then also works against me when I’m upset! I’m gonna focus on your words….plus I just love Joseph Goldstein’s word, equanimity…..I’m striving for that. And when I fail, which is a lot….I just gently ‘begin again’. I’m grateful for you and all these great posts ❤️
This is so interesting! Question - is waxy buildup sometimes healthy? Like a boundary, an indication that we need a little barrier between us and certain people? Or not...
Such an interesting question Lauren- I’m very curious to hear how Jeff will respond. My take is that the waxy buildup is the shit we’re unaware of, the subconscious annoyances that grow and grow inside. The buildup causes reactivity, whereas conscious frustration causes responsiveness (ie: healthy boundaries). And what we’re working towards is becoming more and more aware of everything so we can be more responsive and less reactive. More space!
Yeah, love what Lilli said here. And thanks for the question Lauren. I would say the best and most effective boundary comes from lack of reactivity. To be able to decide with a clear head whether we need to spend less time around this person or situation, and then to get clear about how to do this. Also want to say that reactivity is inevitable and fine and sometimes builds for good reason. And the practice of getting more space around it can still be helpful!
This is so powerful! The idea of welcoming reactivity and realizing it’s just one part of my whole experience is truly game-changing—I put it into practice just this afternoon. I had a plan to meet someone and I noticed that I was already tense and reactive even before I saw them. So, instead of resisting it, I welcomed all of it and reminded myself that it was only a small part of what was present. In my mind’s eye, I envisioned this vast, open space (it looked like the Albuquerque desert, probably because I’ve been rewatching Breaking Bad), with my reactivity as just a single tumbleweed drifting through it. (Un)surprisingly, I began to metabolize it. There were moments when reactivity was more intense, but by allowing it to exist without fighting it, I found I could keep it in perspective—and that led to a much more meaningful connection than I’d expected. Thank you!!
Wow Joe, this is such a great report. And I love how clearly you describe the process! May all our tumbleweeds blow so easily through our bodies 🤣
Love the idea of the tumbleweed.
This is brilliant. It is of course perfectly timed too, as I am just beginning to experience the shift in my life that meditation can bring. I was ready for this concept and I love the catchy, memorable name of the analogy! I can even add to the analogy, placing that waxy buildup in the human ear. If not relieved, it eventually blocks "hearing". Simple daily practice prevents or removes it. Thank you for yet another simple but profound message!
Camila well said! I love that addition to the analogy. Thank you.
Thank you for validating all those moments I felt like I needed to defend myself even in my most dearest relationships. I’ll learn from those reactive mistakes, even nurture them and be patient with metabolizing it even years later 🥹
I plan to be metabolizing my reactivity for every year of my life 🤪
Thanks Big J listened to this on Calm ( love the daily calm ) a few days ago I had been unwell, a couple of hospital visits, my patience was fractured . Everything became annoying my lovely wife of nearly 38 years bore the brunt of my childish behaviour.. so this was a Godsend.. a nudge to the ‘eye of the hurricane’ where calm was restored and true love took over ! Thanks my friend Big G x🙏🏼🧡
Nice to hear it, my man!
Thx. Good timing for this one. My build up is brimming. And causing me distress even as I understand the source. Being able to bring the time down a notch or two is helpful
So happy to hear it Lucy
Amazing Lucy. And the fact that you are noticing the buildup at all is huge. 🤘
It’s like a cup-of-soup meditation: happens in one sitting! Thanks a bunch. Halfway through, I started thinking, ‘Is this emotional suppression?’ Then you asked to be with it, and I could feel in my body that I wasn’t necessarily putting up with the ‘annoying behaviors from others close to me, or enabling them by not stopping them or reacting to them. I’m just living together and understanding they’re not mine. For the most part, I haven’t reacted to these waxy buildup because I don’t want to add fuel to the fire. Now it’s been reframed as compassion and generosity, which are emotions I live very well with. They keep me going. I’m excited to practice this meditation regularly. I’m also keen to explore other ways to be with waxy stuff. As always, 🙏🏽
Gary, what a beautiful report friend thank you
How perfectly on point. When I first began meditating 10 years ago, it changed my life for many reasons, but especially because it made me aware of my reactivity and emotional drivers. That made me a better parent and spouse and I’m so grateful. But that work is never done. Thank you for this wisdom, guidance, and compassion!
You are very welcome Elana - hope all is well with you
Thanks, for this.
I feel like the space I try to make doesn’t come with the awareness I need. This is a bit of reassurance that the awareness will come in time. So keep going.
Exactly so
Just listened to Waxy Build up” on Calm yesterday…so so beyond good and practical.
Reactivity guru here…lol. My husband calls me the grudge. 🤣 This longer sit was so great at bringing awareness to our reactivity and how to deal with and slowly hopefully heal it. Amazing.
I appreciate all your honesty with your dealings with reactivity, Jeff. So refreshing and liberating. Not sure if you have seen Gabor Maté’s doc “Physician Heal Thyself”: epic self-analysis/awareness and accountability by Maté. Thank you so much and take care.
Thanks so much, Malaya, v curious to watch that, I’ve heard a lot about it.
Great meditation Jeff. Thank you. Live between Rochester and Buffalo so I’m half-Canadian 😂
Nice!
So fitting for me, Jeff. Just call me Queen Reactive. Your reference to Shinzen Young is helpful, too, as I have listened to him guide me through a sitting with chronic pain from fibromyalgia. Thank you for this practice.
You are very welcome, my queen
Thank you for this—I really needed to be reminded to notice my reactivity today! You always teach me something that makes me a little more present and mindful.
I’ve been a huge fan for a few years through (10%) Happier—especially love sharing your “welcome to the party” technique with anyone who will listen. And my daily practice was a huge support when I was diagnosed with ADHD at 63! Thank you for sharing your wisdom (and humor!). 🧘🏽♀️🤸🏽♂️🙏🏼💗
Welcome to the club of magic people Debra!
Hi Jeff and Team been a while for this little Aussie Lea Lea to comment. I registered for the Zoom call but 3am was too early funny thing is lately I wake at 1am and can't get back to sleep 💤 I'm both bi polar and peri menopausal so sleep is a constant battle do your daily calm sessions but end up falling asleep within minutes your voice is very soothing Jeff do now your putting me to sleep your my very own personal sleep story you share this title with Vera (Brenda Blenheim from the UK tv show) anyway great to be almost coherent again looking forward to hearing your do nothing project keep up the dulcet tones my brain 🧠 thanks you Aussie Lea Lea 🦘🦘🦘
Good to hear from you Aussie Lea, and hopefully see you tonight for the DNP!
Love it!
Your voice is so calm during meditations I just can’t envision this! LOL ahhhh but we are all human beings FIRST!
Much thanks for this post….Im in sales and my ‘passion’ for everything helps me but then also works against me when I’m upset! I’m gonna focus on your words….plus I just love Joseph Goldstein’s word, equanimity…..I’m striving for that. And when I fail, which is a lot….I just gently ‘begin again’. I’m grateful for you and all these great posts ❤️
Ha! Don’t let my voice deceive you, plenty of human neuroses back up in there!
This is so interesting! Question - is waxy buildup sometimes healthy? Like a boundary, an indication that we need a little barrier between us and certain people? Or not...
Such an interesting question Lauren- I’m very curious to hear how Jeff will respond. My take is that the waxy buildup is the shit we’re unaware of, the subconscious annoyances that grow and grow inside. The buildup causes reactivity, whereas conscious frustration causes responsiveness (ie: healthy boundaries). And what we’re working towards is becoming more and more aware of everything so we can be more responsive and less reactive. More space!
Does that ring true for you?
This lands true for me! Thanks Lilli for very clear insight into the buildup
Yeah, love what Lilli said here. And thanks for the question Lauren. I would say the best and most effective boundary comes from lack of reactivity. To be able to decide with a clear head whether we need to spend less time around this person or situation, and then to get clear about how to do this. Also want to say that reactivity is inevitable and fine and sometimes builds for good reason. And the practice of getting more space around it can still be helpful!