Thank you for your honesty and being so open. And I am humbled by your compassion for him. I had a very similar experience with my son, I wish I was able to read your message 12 years ago when things were very hard. I felt so alone in my struggles and I got lost in stories about him and his future, especially at 3 am. You are doing a wonderful job. I can happily report that he is almost 17 and he’s a fun, bouncy, curious and sometimes a pain in the ass still. We can have deep conversations and he no longer wants to fight everything. He also has ADHD, which is another thing I love about your daily trip, how open you are about it. One thing I tell myself all the time is this isn’t going to last forever, and that’s what always gets me through. Hang in there, you’ll get through it too.
Thanks, Jennifer, I especially love hearing how good your bouncy pain in the ass son is doing. I know I definitely get into the mindset that I’m somehow screwing him up - maybe I’m just sharing extra personality options with him, ha! Appreciate you taking the time to respond. I will think of you when I wake up at 3 AM!
Jeff, your capacity to teach through chaos is such a gift to us all. I'm sending you and your beautiful family peace. I, too, had a challenging child (now 25). Meditation did not find me until later in my life journey. However, it is never too late, and our understanding and love for each other strengthens daily.
Stories we tell ourselves, body awareness, and breathing are mind savers for me. I feel so blessed to have your guidance to remind me to “do the things”.
I hope some rest and relaxation is coming your way. Merry Happy Everything and Peace as we head into the New Year. 🎄✌️🏽💕
I love everything about this. Thank you for explaining how the story exists along with the truth. When the truth is that all-encompassing and challenging, it's difficult to see how we're adding that layer of suffering and distancing from experience. Thank you for your openness about some of the details. The details of your life help me to see some of my own stories. Your humor is inspiring and comforting. Starting again here...
Jeff, I’m sending you so much love right now and a heartfelt thank you because I am going through much the same with my eldest daughter and it is hard. I have been blaming myself and beating myself up for whether I am saying and doing the right things and your post just had me in tears because I’m not alone so along with the love is a massive thank you. We are doing ok and that’s enough right now.
Yes! Totally Lucy. It comforts me to read your words. There’s time for taking care of yourself, and then there’s long periods when we are going to be in the shit ha ha. Accepting that has been a big part of it for me too.
I also think of this quote from the IChing:
“A spiritual understanding that is not practised under fire is without value; only by applying our knowledge in trying situations do we come into genuine possession of it.”
Thank you for this, Jeff. Parenting can feel like such a lonely, guilt-ridden mess - and too often it feels selfish to acknowledge the times when it is a mess rather than a permanent state of sunshine and rainbows. Thank you for your candor and for making it feel less lonely. Sending you and your family lots of support.
Oh Jeff, you are NOT alone. May you take comfort in our shared humanity-truth that raising humans is challenging AND the most rewarding thing you'll ever do. I became caregiver to a 7-year-old facing adult-size challenges. They are now a 13-year-old who I consider my rock. Tons of hard stuff under both our belts has given us a deep bond. You guys will be OK.
This is an honest gentle and fierce remember to believe in ourselves. I get so caught up in my dismal future story as a caregiver that I miss the moments of today. Thank you for sharing so honestly and reminding us to stay and to practice. Saving this one and putting it on repeat.
Omg, Thank you for all that insanely beautiful honesty. Through this truthfulness you share I can feel - truly feel all my f’g struggles - even though we don’t have children - empathize even more with my bro and sister in law and their 5 kids who have been struggling for - it feels like forever. And to just notice and drop out of our long held stories that we can cling to and focus on what is, now. I have so much compassion and respect for parents doing what they can for their children. All blessings to you and Eden and family. I hope you all have a little more rest and you can take care of you. 🎄
I do deal with different things and seeing how many people share that way of life having children is amazing to me. I’m definitely sending hugs to them but it’s comforting knowing how childless people do have episodes in their lives that chats like that of yours have links with them emotionally. I hope I’m making sense, it’s a late bedtime… you reach all sorts of us for different reasons. Thank you.
Yes. What more can I say right now but the same. Jeff actually makes me see things more clearly due to his honesty in sharing what he is going through himself 🙂
I am an old woman. Much of this happened many years ago with my girls. Only wish you had been around and life would have been more peaceful. You give so much of yourself to so many. Thank you for your wisdom.
Your candid recounting of the challenges of parenting a neurodivergent child sound like the many caregiver sessions I have had with dozens of parents over the years. You are certainly not alone and facing the challenges head on is such an important step. Many parents are stunted by shame and embarrassment which doesn’t help. Remember you and your wife are a team and keep moving forward together with all the tools you gather along the way 💙🩵
This sounds incredibly hard. I have felt gas-lighted by that Buddhist advice, “It’s just a story,” too. It’s good to acknowledge real suffering and not minimize it. Sometimes the "story" is kind of true. I think it's cruel to oneself to dismiss all the thoughts as invalid. What I say to the thoughts, some of which may be very helpful insights, is, "You could be right."
While the brain does have a negativity bias, it is also just trying to help us stay safe. Maybe ancestors or guardian spirits are trying to guide us with some of these stories. It would be ungrateful to blow them off and say to them, "You're full of shit." They might be full of wisdom.
For example, if I told some Buddhist teachers that my narcissistic sister abuses me at holidays, just as my mother did, they might say, "Are you sure? Maybe this is just a story." No, I'm pretty sure. I gave those people the benefit of the doubt for decades. Denial didn't help me or them.
Nowadays, it's healthier for me to say, "Ok, this is reality. She has a personality disorder, and she will probably attack me at some point over nothing. Best to be aware of that reality and just expect it, so that it doesn't take me by surprise. She will probably find a new, surprising way to attack me, as she always does. Just be aware that that is coming." As Sam Harris says, human relationships and particularly family situations are like a video game: you know there will be incoming. Don't wander around like a newb. Just deal with the obstacles and attacks as they come.
“there will be incoming “– exactly. And that’s real. No point in adding the story that it’s not real to your story that it’s terrible! After all, part of the practice is supposed to be seeing more clearly whats actually going on.
Appreciate these thoughts, Shannon, thank you. May you find some solid boundaries with that sister of yours.
Jeff, thanks a lot for this meditation! I ended up my eyes wet with a smile. All this time not realising it was my mind "sabotaging" the whole story that I was suffering.. So it's like, can i step back and say, not this time buddy, this one is not for your book.
Thank you, Jeff, for caring about us. .. The irrefutable shit show going on in my life right now?.. My eldest son, 25, has been in jail since July on serious felony charges while also having my first grandchild on the way in April. I'm grateful and excited for baby boy to arrive and stay in close contact with Mom who has been my son's GF for nine years... Also, my parents just got home from a nursing home a few days ago and my mom is 100% bed bound. My Dad has been her caregiver for five years although she's been in the bed for 12. He nearly killed himself taking care of her. I'm my Daddy's girl and can't imagine my life without him just yet. He's only 76. My Mom, though I love her, is a narcissist and has nothing but time on her hands, and ketamine 3x's a day along with a slew of other heavy meds, to lay around and concoct ways of manipulating people. I understand that pain makes people selfish, but she's on another level. I was moved 5hrs away from my family in Santa Cruz California three years ago because my partner,(now ex), was put 'Out Bad' from his motorcycle club. Meanwhile I keep practicing mindfulness daily.
Christina, that is a lot of hard life circumstances right now. Glad the mindfulness practice has been supportive. Thank you for being honest about your own challenges friend. May you find some ease in the new year
Thank you very much. I appreciate our Daily Trips and have been practicing with Calm for five years. Mindfulness has really been helpful in all aspects of my life. I say it a lot- that I wish I could buy the app for the whole world. I asked my eldest son's GF if she wanted to meditate with me on a camping trip once and she said, "Yes".. She loved it so much that she was seconds from falling asleep ☺️. I love sharing what I've learned with all my kids and their GF 's- especially things like, "Don't know; don't need to know". I love that one. I also have a firm faith in God, who I lean into and trust fully. Without both- God & mindfulness, I'd be a basket case . Thanks again, and see you soon for our DT 🤟🏼☺️🌸.
Thank you for your honesty and being so open. And I am humbled by your compassion for him. I had a very similar experience with my son, I wish I was able to read your message 12 years ago when things were very hard. I felt so alone in my struggles and I got lost in stories about him and his future, especially at 3 am. You are doing a wonderful job. I can happily report that he is almost 17 and he’s a fun, bouncy, curious and sometimes a pain in the ass still. We can have deep conversations and he no longer wants to fight everything. He also has ADHD, which is another thing I love about your daily trip, how open you are about it. One thing I tell myself all the time is this isn’t going to last forever, and that’s what always gets me through. Hang in there, you’ll get through it too.
Thanks, Jennifer, I especially love hearing how good your bouncy pain in the ass son is doing. I know I definitely get into the mindset that I’m somehow screwing him up - maybe I’m just sharing extra personality options with him, ha! Appreciate you taking the time to respond. I will think of you when I wake up at 3 AM!
You sound like a beautiful Dad. Five is a tricky age. It will pass. And thank you for making me notice my own story.
❤️
Jeff, your capacity to teach through chaos is such a gift to us all. I'm sending you and your beautiful family peace. I, too, had a challenging child (now 25). Meditation did not find me until later in my life journey. However, it is never too late, and our understanding and love for each other strengthens daily.
Stories we tell ourselves, body awareness, and breathing are mind savers for me. I feel so blessed to have your guidance to remind me to “do the things”.
I hope some rest and relaxation is coming your way. Merry Happy Everything and Peace as we head into the New Year. 🎄✌️🏽💕
Happy new year to you tooDawn, may we all find peace in the chaos in 2025 and beyond
I love everything about this. Thank you for explaining how the story exists along with the truth. When the truth is that all-encompassing and challenging, it's difficult to see how we're adding that layer of suffering and distancing from experience. Thank you for your openness about some of the details. The details of your life help me to see some of my own stories. Your humor is inspiring and comforting. Starting again here...
Thanks so much, Elizabeth
Nicely said-
Jeff, I’m sending you so much love right now and a heartfelt thank you because I am going through much the same with my eldest daughter and it is hard. I have been blaming myself and beating myself up for whether I am saying and doing the right things and your post just had me in tears because I’m not alone so along with the love is a massive thank you. We are doing ok and that’s enough right now.
Yes! Totally Lucy. It comforts me to read your words. There’s time for taking care of yourself, and then there’s long periods when we are going to be in the shit ha ha. Accepting that has been a big part of it for me too.
I also think of this quote from the IChing:
“A spiritual understanding that is not practised under fire is without value; only by applying our knowledge in trying situations do we come into genuine possession of it.”
You are definitely not alone! ♥️
Thank you for this, Jeff. Parenting can feel like such a lonely, guilt-ridden mess - and too often it feels selfish to acknowledge the times when it is a mess rather than a permanent state of sunshine and rainbows. Thank you for your candor and for making it feel less lonely. Sending you and your family lots of support.
I specialize in lonely, guilt ridden messes 😂
Oh Jeff, you are NOT alone. May you take comfort in our shared humanity-truth that raising humans is challenging AND the most rewarding thing you'll ever do. I became caregiver to a 7-year-old facing adult-size challenges. They are now a 13-year-old who I consider my rock. Tons of hard stuff under both our belts has given us a deep bond. You guys will be OK.
Thank you, Megan. This community definitely reminds me that I’m not alone, inexpressible how big that is. And we are definitely figuring it out.❤️❤️
This is an honest gentle and fierce remember to believe in ourselves. I get so caught up in my dismal future story as a caregiver that I miss the moments of today. Thank you for sharing so honestly and reminding us to stay and to practice. Saving this one and putting it on repeat.
You’re welcome,Sheila, thanks for your note friend.
Omg, Thank you for all that insanely beautiful honesty. Through this truthfulness you share I can feel - truly feel all my f’g struggles - even though we don’t have children - empathize even more with my bro and sister in law and their 5 kids who have been struggling for - it feels like forever. And to just notice and drop out of our long held stories that we can cling to and focus on what is, now. I have so much compassion and respect for parents doing what they can for their children. All blessings to you and Eden and family. I hope you all have a little more rest and you can take care of you. 🎄
Malaya, many thanks my friends, I appreciate these words so much. No doubt your bro would too!
You give out so much love and understanding to all of us Jeff. You share your innermost thoughts with us.
You must be aware that we of your community are sending all that love and care back to you and your family. Heartfelt thanks for all you do…
I feel it June thank you, and you too, Susan.
I do deal with different things and seeing how many people share that way of life having children is amazing to me. I’m definitely sending hugs to them but it’s comforting knowing how childless people do have episodes in their lives that chats like that of yours have links with them emotionally. I hope I’m making sense, it’s a late bedtime… you reach all sorts of us for different reasons. Thank you.
Yes. What more can I say right now but the same. Jeff actually makes me see things more clearly due to his honesty in sharing what he is going through himself 🙂
I am an old woman. Much of this happened many years ago with my girls. Only wish you had been around and life would have been more peaceful. You give so much of yourself to so many. Thank you for your wisdom.
❤️❤️❤️
Your candid recounting of the challenges of parenting a neurodivergent child sound like the many caregiver sessions I have had with dozens of parents over the years. You are certainly not alone and facing the challenges head on is such an important step. Many parents are stunted by shame and embarrassment which doesn’t help. Remember you and your wife are a team and keep moving forward together with all the tools you gather along the way 💙🩵
Thanks, Annmarie, i’d be dead in the water without my partner that’s for sure
This sounds incredibly hard. I have felt gas-lighted by that Buddhist advice, “It’s just a story,” too. It’s good to acknowledge real suffering and not minimize it. Sometimes the "story" is kind of true. I think it's cruel to oneself to dismiss all the thoughts as invalid. What I say to the thoughts, some of which may be very helpful insights, is, "You could be right."
While the brain does have a negativity bias, it is also just trying to help us stay safe. Maybe ancestors or guardian spirits are trying to guide us with some of these stories. It would be ungrateful to blow them off and say to them, "You're full of shit." They might be full of wisdom.
For example, if I told some Buddhist teachers that my narcissistic sister abuses me at holidays, just as my mother did, they might say, "Are you sure? Maybe this is just a story." No, I'm pretty sure. I gave those people the benefit of the doubt for decades. Denial didn't help me or them.
Nowadays, it's healthier for me to say, "Ok, this is reality. She has a personality disorder, and she will probably attack me at some point over nothing. Best to be aware of that reality and just expect it, so that it doesn't take me by surprise. She will probably find a new, surprising way to attack me, as she always does. Just be aware that that is coming." As Sam Harris says, human relationships and particularly family situations are like a video game: you know there will be incoming. Don't wander around like a newb. Just deal with the obstacles and attacks as they come.
“there will be incoming “– exactly. And that’s real. No point in adding the story that it’s not real to your story that it’s terrible! After all, part of the practice is supposed to be seeing more clearly whats actually going on.
Appreciate these thoughts, Shannon, thank you. May you find some solid boundaries with that sister of yours.
Jeff, thanks a lot for this meditation! I ended up my eyes wet with a smile. All this time not realising it was my mind "sabotaging" the whole story that I was suffering.. So it's like, can i step back and say, not this time buddy, this one is not for your book.
“ eyes wet with a smile” - pretty much sums up a good meditations 😍
Thank you, Jeff, for caring about us. .. The irrefutable shit show going on in my life right now?.. My eldest son, 25, has been in jail since July on serious felony charges while also having my first grandchild on the way in April. I'm grateful and excited for baby boy to arrive and stay in close contact with Mom who has been my son's GF for nine years... Also, my parents just got home from a nursing home a few days ago and my mom is 100% bed bound. My Dad has been her caregiver for five years although she's been in the bed for 12. He nearly killed himself taking care of her. I'm my Daddy's girl and can't imagine my life without him just yet. He's only 76. My Mom, though I love her, is a narcissist and has nothing but time on her hands, and ketamine 3x's a day along with a slew of other heavy meds, to lay around and concoct ways of manipulating people. I understand that pain makes people selfish, but she's on another level. I was moved 5hrs away from my family in Santa Cruz California three years ago because my partner,(now ex), was put 'Out Bad' from his motorcycle club. Meanwhile I keep practicing mindfulness daily.
Christina, that is a lot of hard life circumstances right now. Glad the mindfulness practice has been supportive. Thank you for being honest about your own challenges friend. May you find some ease in the new year
Thank you very much. I appreciate our Daily Trips and have been practicing with Calm for five years. Mindfulness has really been helpful in all aspects of my life. I say it a lot- that I wish I could buy the app for the whole world. I asked my eldest son's GF if she wanted to meditate with me on a camping trip once and she said, "Yes".. She loved it so much that she was seconds from falling asleep ☺️. I love sharing what I've learned with all my kids and their GF 's- especially things like, "Don't know; don't need to know". I love that one. I also have a firm faith in God, who I lean into and trust fully. Without both- God & mindfulness, I'd be a basket case . Thanks again, and see you soon for our DT 🤟🏼☺️🌸.
Best, Chrissy
"Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness".
This is Deadpool next level antihero awareness.
Breaking my 4th wall to reveal a mirror to contemplate oneself comic ( more or less) book of life.
You got me, yet again, startled in the lights. you masterfully pointed that should be my own in the end .
Now, bring on the R rated version voice of our sub conscious mind as usually, disguised as yours.
PS. I might be still under the lore influence of Montreal's mini ComiCon from last week.
Let's cosplay next time.
Ha!