Your openness and honesty helped as I change medications once again. Finally realizing, at 68, that it’s not a fault (or something I am doing wrong) to need medication. My body chemistry does better with psychiatric medicine. It’s medicine when done with care and self love ! Your meditations have been the first ones that work for me. A fellow adhd anxiety prone human being !Thank you !!
I’m so moved by your and all the other comments below, it’s very humbling to hear this trust. Yeah took me a long time to accept that needing medication isn’t a weakness of character. I think a lot of us have to come to terms with that, especially older folks who grew up in a time of more intense mental health stigma. Thank you for your words my fellow, Adhder ❤️
Your courage and openness to talk about the hard parts of life are ever inspiring. Life is beautiful.... and shitty.... and both are real.
Even as a mental health professional, I feel shame in the journey of medication and mental health struggles. Then the guilt of the hypocrisy. Thanks for holding the mirror for me.
Your writing and meditations of mental health have also been an inspiration to my college students. We are often only taught the textbook version of psychology and not the lived one.
Thanks for being real, sharing real, and inviting us all to do the same.
Hey Jessica, great to hear from you! I’m so glad it’s been helpful for your college students. Hopefully they won’t grow up at the same mental health stigmas we had. That’s one of the reasons I love the empowering side of the neurodiversity movement
Thanks so much for sharing this. For years I though if I could just "manage" my mind I would not need meds. At first I tried to self-medicate. More bad outcomes resulted. . Early traumas had impacted neutral pathways and while hard work in therapy helped, I still needed medication. A combination of working on continuity of awareness, medication, exposure to nature and clean eating results in stability of mind more often than not. Thanks for allowing this space to be one where we can learn from each other and speak of what we only talk about only to ourselves.
I appreciate hearing a bit about your story Dawn, so helpful. I think the diet and mental health piece is huge too, maybe the subject of a future post. And also the self medicating part! I definitely did that for many years, something that was both really fun and sometimes counterproductive
This space is turning into something really special, I learn so much from the comments
I have bipolar disorder, and seeing someone write about this so openly and without any self-recrimination is really self-affirming. Thank you Jeff! I have had a wild ride with my own journey and can relate to much of what's written here. I am fortunate to work with a phenomenally collaborative and empowering psychiatrist who wants me to feel my fullest self, and I love that the medications I use are just one little bit of how I access the truth of this life without imploding or harming people around me. Maybe in an alternate universe my un-medicated being wouldn't have a "mental illness," but I'm not conscious of that realm. I'm grateful to be living out this one as awake as possible. Hopefully contributing as skillfully and lovingly to the greater good. Much love to all
Seeing the humanity and vulnerability of an individual with Jeff’s experience and training in the nature of mind helps remove the stigma around many challenges we face. I had an opportunity to ask Jeff how becoming a parent impacted his practice. As a person who had a lot of challenges with anger, impatience, even resentment at times toward my situation as a parent, the practice has helped me tremendously. I (ignorantly) expected the response to be that parenting is bliss, given the years of practice, Jeff would be able to accept and let the challenges of parenthood pass through him like a warm breeze through a patio screen. Instead he shared that it had disrupted his practice and that parenting can be very hard. He continues to be open about this in his teachings.
That perspective gave me a more clear understanding of the human condition and helps me access self-compassion when I don’t get it right. Thank you for being an open, honest and raw human and helping us see that “flaws” in the human condition are not “our flaws” they are part of being human.
Thanks buddy. Nice to hear your voice here, appreciate your vulnerability as well. Yeah: parenting. Can definitely throw a wrench in the mental health works 🤣
I’m gonna write a post about anger soon, there’s a particular practice I do around that which has been so helpful.
Yes please! Although I am learning to pause (at least some of the time), I struggle with over-reacting and end up hurting others as well as myself with my anger.
I relate to this so much David!! Every single word. I did not realize ahead of time that self regulation would be so greatly affected by parenting my child. Even though I expected it to be challenging, I was unprepared for the immensity of this impact.
I really appreciate this letter and meditation, Jeff. As someone who has endeavored, and at times tried, to get off a low dose SSRI, your message gives me a new perspective. I am not a failure for needing that support and finding help, no matter where it comes from.. Thank you for softening my judgement about medication 🙏🏻
Thanks for sharing what you have been through. You are helping to normalize the conversation about mental health and ways to treat/manage it, medically and non-medically. Know that your vulnerability if appreciated.
Thank you Jeff for your intimate share and helpful analogy. In my experience it’s very easy to get overly identified and emotional about mental health—comparing a mental health concern to your foot pain gives a little space. I also appreciate that the solutions have been their own journey; they change as life changes. Thank you so much for making meditation accessible to so many people. I wouldn’t be where I am if I hadn’t met you. ❤️
Great post. Reflects my experience over the past year with starting medication and meditation. I like how your story highlights how different seasons of life can modulate mental health challenges and how medication can help you through those periods, or it can make you realize that you might benefit from them long-term.
“seasons of life can modulate mental health challenges” - and what a head fuck that can be! You’re trying to find “the rule,” right, like ‘what’s gonna work?’ But the terrain is always changing. All part of the adventure. Appreciate your words, Tony thank you.
I have to say- these medi words are so similar- it was a good exercise for my brain to read your post correctly Jeff- especially first thing in the morning - haha.
Being in the ER for mental health (or for any reason) SUCKS. Been there. I'm sorry that happened to you.
I enthusiastically agree with the idea that building strength through good habits/practices is fundamental- whether those are physical or mental. When I was given a back brace for low back pain I was warned that due to the support of it, other muscles would become weaker over time if I relied solely on the brace. Medication doesn't function exactly like a back brace of course, but the idea is similar- we may need external support at times and will benefit greatly from still doing the internal work, when we can.
I appreciate the overall emphasis in your post on reducing suffering while working towards greater health. The experience of the sacred weird presence that you describe is beautiful and profound. I yearn for that <3
So honest, raw, and refreshing to hear. My journey very similar, medication plus meditation. You, in fact, support my meditation training and continued practice via Happier (DH app). Tysm!
My uncle was bipolar and schizophrenic, and I knew him through family stories and visits at my grandparents' house growing up. He was on disability, always highly medicated in the 1990s and early 2000s, and there was never any question among the adults in our family that he was "such a waste" because he had to be on heavy doses of medications.
I'm 40 years old now and just in the last year I have been vigorously open to mental health medications helping in any way they can. (Being stable, present and loving for myself and my daughter is a big motivating factor.) And there are so many ordinary moments that pop up in my everyday life where I remember being little. I remember earnestly liking my uncle, feeling like he was kind, familiar, even — I remember how he liked to read physics textbooks for fun and how he would wait for new textbooks to go on sale at Books-a-Million. But mostly I remember the stigma, and I often feel a knife turning in my stomach thinking about the medications we didn't have back then that could have helped him live a fuller life, the diagnostic criteria we didn't have either to understand how the mind tries to protect itself under extreme duress.
These days I'm not even sure how much of my life it'll take to unravel this "such a waste" narrative that's been plopped into my psyche. Because even with my own deep acceptance of needing medication, I still wince at the idea of anyone finding out when I also talk about listening for somatic signals when they're writing. Will they think I'm full of horse shit if I also need medication? But the truth is, the medicine helps me hear better, too.
And anyways your post came at exactly the right time to help me remember that all of this complexity — such a waste, such a gift, such a nothing, such an everything — can coexist inside one human. Because it already does ... inside me.
Amanda I relate to this a lot, I also have an aunt who’s heavily schizophrenic and bipolar and but what a waste narrative was a bit in the background with my family too. And … the meds also helped her live a much better life.
I’m glad that you are willing to share so openly about the medications you are taking, and the rollercoaster life has us all on. The more people are willing to speak without embarrassment, the more people’s minds will open up.
I’ve been a psychotherapist for 32+ years, and finally (!) the stigma around medication is changing. I have long explained to my clients that it is my belief our bodies function based on what we eat, and how well our body digests it.. science still doesn’t know enough about all the neurotransmitters, yet what they have learned is that serotonin is 90% made in our gut. Almost everyone I know who is on a medication has digestive issues of one sort or another.. and antidepressants assist the body in both improving digestion and regulating how quickly the neurotransmitters move thru the brain.
Most people are not critical of those born with type 1 diabetes, and those diabetics must take medicine for their chemical balance in digestion. Medication for mental health issues functions in the same role, to help balance our lives. These medicines are not “happy pills”. They are not addictive. Some folks can regulate the neurotransmitters by altering their diet, exercise, sleep patterns etc, but many more people need the assistance of modern medicine to feel normal.
I’m glad to know that you have found a balance of medicines that allows you to feel your full range of emotions, Jeff. That’s how it’s supposed to help, and I know that for some, this state is difficult to attain.
Thank you very much for your post here, Jeff. Grateful that you are being so open about mental health. It seems that it’s okay and common to talk about anxiety and stress in the insight meditation world but for those of us with depression (and/or ADHD), there’s nary a mention. For me, this has led to a lot of shame. I have found that I need medication to enable me to meditate and to have a practice that is of benefit to myself and others. Thanks again for sharing so freely your experiences in this realm.
Your openness and honesty helped as I change medications once again. Finally realizing, at 68, that it’s not a fault (or something I am doing wrong) to need medication. My body chemistry does better with psychiatric medicine. It’s medicine when done with care and self love ! Your meditations have been the first ones that work for me. A fellow adhd anxiety prone human being !Thank you !!
You’re welcome, Martha.
I’m so moved by your and all the other comments below, it’s very humbling to hear this trust. Yeah took me a long time to accept that needing medication isn’t a weakness of character. I think a lot of us have to come to terms with that, especially older folks who grew up in a time of more intense mental health stigma. Thank you for your words my fellow, Adhder ❤️
Thankyou for being so open with your experiences. We need more practioners to share are connected humanism. 🙏❤️ Thankyou Jeff.
Your courage and openness to talk about the hard parts of life are ever inspiring. Life is beautiful.... and shitty.... and both are real.
Even as a mental health professional, I feel shame in the journey of medication and mental health struggles. Then the guilt of the hypocrisy. Thanks for holding the mirror for me.
Your writing and meditations of mental health have also been an inspiration to my college students. We are often only taught the textbook version of psychology and not the lived one.
Thanks for being real, sharing real, and inviting us all to do the same.
Much love
Hey Jessica, great to hear from you! I’m so glad it’s been helpful for your college students. Hopefully they won’t grow up at the same mental health stigmas we had. That’s one of the reasons I love the empowering side of the neurodiversity movement
Empowering is your super power.
Thanks so much for sharing this. For years I though if I could just "manage" my mind I would not need meds. At first I tried to self-medicate. More bad outcomes resulted. . Early traumas had impacted neutral pathways and while hard work in therapy helped, I still needed medication. A combination of working on continuity of awareness, medication, exposure to nature and clean eating results in stability of mind more often than not. Thanks for allowing this space to be one where we can learn from each other and speak of what we only talk about only to ourselves.
I appreciate hearing a bit about your story Dawn, so helpful. I think the diet and mental health piece is huge too, maybe the subject of a future post. And also the self medicating part! I definitely did that for many years, something that was both really fun and sometimes counterproductive
This space is turning into something really special, I learn so much from the comments
I have bipolar disorder, and seeing someone write about this so openly and without any self-recrimination is really self-affirming. Thank you Jeff! I have had a wild ride with my own journey and can relate to much of what's written here. I am fortunate to work with a phenomenally collaborative and empowering psychiatrist who wants me to feel my fullest self, and I love that the medications I use are just one little bit of how I access the truth of this life without imploding or harming people around me. Maybe in an alternate universe my un-medicated being wouldn't have a "mental illness," but I'm not conscious of that realm. I'm grateful to be living out this one as awake as possible. Hopefully contributing as skillfully and lovingly to the greater good. Much love to all
Beautifully said Jillian, wise and helpful for me - so many parallels!
Seeing the humanity and vulnerability of an individual with Jeff’s experience and training in the nature of mind helps remove the stigma around many challenges we face. I had an opportunity to ask Jeff how becoming a parent impacted his practice. As a person who had a lot of challenges with anger, impatience, even resentment at times toward my situation as a parent, the practice has helped me tremendously. I (ignorantly) expected the response to be that parenting is bliss, given the years of practice, Jeff would be able to accept and let the challenges of parenthood pass through him like a warm breeze through a patio screen. Instead he shared that it had disrupted his practice and that parenting can be very hard. He continues to be open about this in his teachings.
That perspective gave me a more clear understanding of the human condition and helps me access self-compassion when I don’t get it right. Thank you for being an open, honest and raw human and helping us see that “flaws” in the human condition are not “our flaws” they are part of being human.
Thanks buddy. Nice to hear your voice here, appreciate your vulnerability as well. Yeah: parenting. Can definitely throw a wrench in the mental health works 🤣
I’m gonna write a post about anger soon, there’s a particular practice I do around that which has been so helpful.
Yes please! Although I am learning to pause (at least some of the time), I struggle with over-reacting and end up hurting others as well as myself with my anger.
I relate to this so much David!! Every single word. I did not realize ahead of time that self regulation would be so greatly affected by parenting my child. Even though I expected it to be challenging, I was unprepared for the immensity of this impact.
I really appreciate this letter and meditation, Jeff. As someone who has endeavored, and at times tried, to get off a low dose SSRI, your message gives me a new perspective. I am not a failure for needing that support and finding help, no matter where it comes from.. Thank you for softening my judgement about medication 🙏🏻
❤️
Thanks for sharing what you have been through. You are helping to normalize the conversation about mental health and ways to treat/manage it, medically and non-medically. Know that your vulnerability if appreciated.
Thank you Jeff for your intimate share and helpful analogy. In my experience it’s very easy to get overly identified and emotional about mental health—comparing a mental health concern to your foot pain gives a little space. I also appreciate that the solutions have been their own journey; they change as life changes. Thank you so much for making meditation accessible to so many people. I wouldn’t be where I am if I hadn’t met you. ❤️
Angie ❤️
Thank you so much for such an open share. It reminds me I’m not alone with my mental health struggles.
Thank you John. And no, not alone
Great post. Reflects my experience over the past year with starting medication and meditation. I like how your story highlights how different seasons of life can modulate mental health challenges and how medication can help you through those periods, or it can make you realize that you might benefit from them long-term.
“seasons of life can modulate mental health challenges” - and what a head fuck that can be! You’re trying to find “the rule,” right, like ‘what’s gonna work?’ But the terrain is always changing. All part of the adventure. Appreciate your words, Tony thank you.
I have to say- these medi words are so similar- it was a good exercise for my brain to read your post correctly Jeff- especially first thing in the morning - haha.
Being in the ER for mental health (or for any reason) SUCKS. Been there. I'm sorry that happened to you.
I enthusiastically agree with the idea that building strength through good habits/practices is fundamental- whether those are physical or mental. When I was given a back brace for low back pain I was warned that due to the support of it, other muscles would become weaker over time if I relied solely on the brace. Medication doesn't function exactly like a back brace of course, but the idea is similar- we may need external support at times and will benefit greatly from still doing the internal work, when we can.
I appreciate the overall emphasis in your post on reducing suffering while working towards greater health. The experience of the sacred weird presence that you describe is beautiful and profound. I yearn for that <3
So honest, raw, and refreshing to hear. My journey very similar, medication plus meditation. You, in fact, support my meditation training and continued practice via Happier (DH app). Tysm!
🙌
My uncle was bipolar and schizophrenic, and I knew him through family stories and visits at my grandparents' house growing up. He was on disability, always highly medicated in the 1990s and early 2000s, and there was never any question among the adults in our family that he was "such a waste" because he had to be on heavy doses of medications.
I'm 40 years old now and just in the last year I have been vigorously open to mental health medications helping in any way they can. (Being stable, present and loving for myself and my daughter is a big motivating factor.) And there are so many ordinary moments that pop up in my everyday life where I remember being little. I remember earnestly liking my uncle, feeling like he was kind, familiar, even — I remember how he liked to read physics textbooks for fun and how he would wait for new textbooks to go on sale at Books-a-Million. But mostly I remember the stigma, and I often feel a knife turning in my stomach thinking about the medications we didn't have back then that could have helped him live a fuller life, the diagnostic criteria we didn't have either to understand how the mind tries to protect itself under extreme duress.
These days I'm not even sure how much of my life it'll take to unravel this "such a waste" narrative that's been plopped into my psyche. Because even with my own deep acceptance of needing medication, I still wince at the idea of anyone finding out when I also talk about listening for somatic signals when they're writing. Will they think I'm full of horse shit if I also need medication? But the truth is, the medicine helps me hear better, too.
And anyways your post came at exactly the right time to help me remember that all of this complexity — such a waste, such a gift, such a nothing, such an everything — can coexist inside one human. Because it already does ... inside me.
Amanda I relate to this a lot, I also have an aunt who’s heavily schizophrenic and bipolar and but what a waste narrative was a bit in the background with my family too. And … the meds also helped her live a much better life.
Thank you for this beautiful message. The example of orthotics makes it very easy to understand. I needed this today 💗
I’m glad that you are willing to share so openly about the medications you are taking, and the rollercoaster life has us all on. The more people are willing to speak without embarrassment, the more people’s minds will open up.
I’ve been a psychotherapist for 32+ years, and finally (!) the stigma around medication is changing. I have long explained to my clients that it is my belief our bodies function based on what we eat, and how well our body digests it.. science still doesn’t know enough about all the neurotransmitters, yet what they have learned is that serotonin is 90% made in our gut. Almost everyone I know who is on a medication has digestive issues of one sort or another.. and antidepressants assist the body in both improving digestion and regulating how quickly the neurotransmitters move thru the brain.
Most people are not critical of those born with type 1 diabetes, and those diabetics must take medicine for their chemical balance in digestion. Medication for mental health issues functions in the same role, to help balance our lives. These medicines are not “happy pills”. They are not addictive. Some folks can regulate the neurotransmitters by altering their diet, exercise, sleep patterns etc, but many more people need the assistance of modern medicine to feel normal.
I’m glad to know that you have found a balance of medicines that allows you to feel your full range of emotions, Jeff. That’s how it’s supposed to help, and I know that for some, this state is difficult to attain.
Thank you very much for your post here, Jeff. Grateful that you are being so open about mental health. It seems that it’s okay and common to talk about anxiety and stress in the insight meditation world but for those of us with depression (and/or ADHD), there’s nary a mention. For me, this has led to a lot of shame. I have found that I need medication to enable me to meditate and to have a practice that is of benefit to myself and others. Thanks again for sharing so freely your experiences in this realm.