First of all, thank you, Jeff, for your vulnerability. It is comforting for me to know that someone I admire so much and learn so much from is as human (and by human, feel free to insert “fucked up”) as I am. In fact, your honesty makes what I learn from you even more valuable, because I know it’s coming from a human trying to “walk the walk,” as it were, and not a #MindfulnessBot. :):).
So, here’s what happened for me today, and I’m still sort of recovering from it a good twenty minutes later. I was following along with the guidance, and was ready to dive deeply and really lean into my painful struggle, and play with a response that would be creative, and perhaps useful and cathartic.
Well, involuntarily and suddenly, it went into a completely different direction. In a split second, I heard myself saying “help me, please. somebody help me, please. please….” and I just started bawling. And I mean, we’re talking ugly crying here. The kind where you find yourself not really breathing at a regular rate or rhythm.
I was like, WHAT THE F*CK just happened here? I wasn’t feeling particularly horrendous when I started the meditation. I was more or less my baseline depressed and anxious self. But when I leaned into the sense of overwhelm and anxiety I feel all day every day, with the intention of stomping me feet at it, or singing something silly at the top of my lungs, I instead found myself reaching out to some unknown entity in the universe for aid and comfort.
What comfort did I seek and who was I seeking it from? I can’t really say. I simply don’t know. But here’s the thing. I feel a little better for having done it and for having experienced it the way I did.
I tuned in, leaned in, felt the thing, then REALLY felt the thing…..and was present enough to be aware of what it felt like and communicate it all to you here.
Richard you should have your own Substack, my friend, your comments are always bang on and fascinating. That kind of spontaneous expression of surrender and humility happens all the time for me. I think it’s part of the healing. It’s working at a deeper level.
I hope you are doing well today, Richard! I just wanted you to know that I think about you throughout the week and hope you are doing well, holding joy, and feeling loved. Everything you need is always inside of you, and if you ever feel lost or alone, reach out--many, many people will reach back. ♥️
Thank you for an excellent and timely post. I find most of my powerful emotions, whether they pleasant feelings such as love, peace or joy, or those pesky unpleasant emotions like anger, fear or disappointment, come out with tears. This was the biggest AHA moment in my neonate journey into mindfulness….peace comes not from magically zapping those emotions into an equanimous state, but by skillfully discerning the right place and time to take to FEEL them, express them if necessary, or work through them with activity. For me this means I have boxes of Kleenex throughout my home as my usual method is allowing myself to cry followed by some intense journaling. Exercise is also my emotional “reset” button does wonders to discharge that negative energy that builds!
Agree that hamming it up is sometimes the best way. I am going to add another scenario where it sometimes "works." There was a person in my family who had been bullying me for years. I always under-reacted: that is, I just didn't say anything or do anything except maybe avoid her for a while. I didn't yell back or insult her back. I tried every other civilized method to stop the abuse: emailing her a nice NVC letter about how her attacks made me feel, etc. Nothing worked.
Other people in my family witness these attacks and do and say nothing, presumably because they are afraid of being the next target.
Finally about a year ago, after another humiliating attack on me where I responded in a very Buddhist and non-reactive way, and again nobody defended me, this insane bully asked me to do her a favor. And I let her have it. I freaked out. I went very dramatic, over the top angry and scary. I yelled. I said shut up. I said fuck off. (Obviously I was not violent but I was intentionally scary.) All the while I was sort of chuckling inwardly because I knew it was all an act and I was not really out of control. I was "out of control" as if in a movie or a play.
Readers, it worked. She has been very careful not to insult, attack, criticize, belittle or ostracize me since then. It's sad but true: some people will not "respect" you until you turn into the kind of asshole that they understand. A nice person in their view is a weak person and deserves whatever abuse they get. (I have actually heard people say this.)
I have to go spend some time with her and other family members today and I'm not scared or nervous as I had been for years (almost 20 years). I know I can freak out if I need to.
I could not love this story more. Agree that sometimes a very firm boundary needs to be set and people need to see our raw emotionality to know how completely nonnegotiable this really is. I have done something similar with equal success. Hope today went well!
I think I got the idea to do this partly from watching toddlers, mainly my grand-daughter. She gets really mad sometimes, and then a few minutes later, she's fine. Also I see other people's toddlers having tantrums in public and I think, "I wish I could do that." So I did.
Shannon, Although I'm fortunate never to have been bullied, where you got me was on knowingly allowing yourself to lose it with this person. I have a person in my life who frequently ignores my rational and calmly stated objections, preferences, differences of opinion. But I've found that on the rare occasion that I totally lose it and blow up, the response is a first an expression of shock followed by questioning me why I had to go ballistic. When I then calmly explain that it is the only way to get through, it is met with denial, but his behavior completely changes, at least for a while.
I think it's best not to explain your strategy at all. Make them think you're crazy and might do anything. Even if you do it on purpose, pretend you "lost it."
Another wonderful share, Jeff. The relatability of that day where everything seems designed to set us off lands here. My typical go to “strategy” is let the feel control when it comes out. Usually not a great approach. In those moments of lucidity and awareness, I’ll take a walk to sit on a bench and breathe or cry it out. A couple of times, the perfect guided meditation has found me in those moments, providing the insight needed to let what is there arrive, do what it needs to do and move on, so that I can move on.
I thank you again for your willingness to continue to put your humanity out there for everyone to see. It is an important reminder that helps me relate to experience and recognize we are never alone in these challenges, especially if we can see and feel them in a less personal, if not impersonal way.
Thanks for sharing this post, Jeff. After reading it I realize I have a lot of judgment about my own freak-outs, along the line of "I guess I'm not as emotionally mature as I'd hoped, even after all the effort I've put into learning these skills, and Where is the equanimity and acceptance I'm 'supposed' to have thanks to my regular meditation practice???" I feel ashamed afterward, and disappointed.
My freak-outs these days almost always take the form of an angry, irritable out-loud verbal tirade of complaints and bitterness as I'm cleaning up yet another a mess my dog has made on the rug or a blanket or her bed or... especially if I've stepped in it and tracked it through the house... (she has chronic GI issues.) I do notice almost immediately what I'm doing and often pause for a few seconds to ask myself if I want to let it all out. Usually I do! And at first I'm really angry and feeling like a victim but then it starts to get ludicrous and (almost) funny and I yell something like "Yes, I'm allowed to be angry, anyone would probably be angry about this and yes I'm not in perfect control of myself right now." (My dog is the only witness and she's learned to not feel afraid when her crazy owner does this.)
Anyway, I appreciate you normalizing this for me. A lot. I'm going to take your lead and make my next freak-out even more ridiculous and ideally even laugh afterward...
Let me know how it goes!! Also used to feel ashamed after my outbursts, and disappointed. I think part of it is internalizing all these soft spoken contemplative ideals. That’s not really something I’m interested in anymore.
Thank you Jeff. After living alone in my apartment for 6 months I am having bits of freakout too, although mine seem to be more tears and some negative self talk. A day at a time
Tears are the original catharsis. I’m sorry about the critical self talk, that’s the worst. I’ve got some meditations about relating to that stuff a bit differently if you’re interested Andrea
What you described resonates with me so very much. I have been that ball; rocking back and forth, crying, overwhelmed, while my partner eats yogurt, well, no, resolving her own reactivity/frustration to my personal, temporary madness. Thanks for sharing the anecdotal "this is how my reality works" one-person anthropology in real time. There's something to this "wilding" at a personal level thing that really resonates.
Good to know I’m not alone Greg thank you for this. It really can be utterly horrible and overwhelming. I usually mix the acting out with a bunch of surrender and asking reality for help too. All of it feels a lot like… ceremony? I think that’s part of what communal ceremony and rituals offer us . Anyway, good to be connected!
I loved this and loved reading everyone’s comments. Have shared with this group already that my nephew is facing a terminal brain tumor diagnosis. Which strangely feels safe to share here when it doesn’t necessarily among people who know me better if that makes any sense. Anyway, last night was my first full night of sleep since we got this news 3 weeks ago. Sun is coming up - started out just feeling grateful for the sleep and peaceful. And then the tears did come but mainly the feeling that he is alive today, the sun is coming up today. He is facing this with an incredible amount of resolve, courage and good humor so how can the rest of us not? Thought of a quote attributed to Winston Churchill “when you’re going through hell, just keep going”. Peace to all
Like many others, this resonated with me. I think what was particularly striking was this idea that our relationship to emotion starts from so many different places and we come to meditation to maybe calm it down or handle it somehow. But then if we trust the meditation process we realise we don’t have to handle it. It can be. Loud or quiet. Dramatic or poignant.
I meditated for a long time with a live group where it seemed I never got ’better’ at managing my emotions. What I’ve found from your guidance and approach is really trusting the meditation and sometimes that allows me to have the emotion—nothing extra or bad—just being sad or angry or terrified.
I get this! Just because I have a meditation practice does not mean I cannot feel/express my emotions. In fact, my meditation practice has allowed me to be better able to tune into my emotions. Thanks for normalizing a freak out, Jeff. I feel it is an honour when someone trusts me enough to freak out then still understand the relationship is intact and healthy.
I visualized a temper tantrum - like the lay on the floor and kick your feet and pound your hands while screaming kind of tantrum. Tears began flowing and I felt a release of emotions and pent up angst. Thank you for the prompts and reminder that getting creative with our minds can help our emotions move in our bodies!
Susan, my inner toddler sees you ! I’m so glad you did that. I wasn’t sure how the meditation would land for folks so this is helpful.
Your story reminds me of something my old teacher, Shinzen once said, talking about his “angry baby” - this raw part of him way down that actually got increasingly exposed through his meditation practice, like he exfoliated all the layers that kept it hidden. Maybe the more we develop our capacity for equanimity, the more we encounter new inner intensities- who knows?
Hey Jeff...This was a great note and also a great meditation... My go-to is to take a long hot shower and yell a lot while I am in the shower stall. It's very satisfying since I am already under running water, no one is here except me and therefore I can't scare anyone. I used to do a pillow scream but I find this way much more cathartic. Thanks for all you do. Today's Daily Trip was also a real winner.... xoxoxox Miriam. Yesterday I went to an Anti-trump rally yesterday so I was free to do a lot of screaming WITH other people, not AT other people. much love.
Exactly!!! By the way for some reason I am Mimi and Abe on my you tube account. Just want you to know it’s me! Appreciate the hellos last night on the do nothing sit. Not sure if I should try to fix it on YouTube afraid I might screw it up!! Take care. Hope the foot is ok!
Without knowing it, that is what I needed this morning. This meditation fanned the (medium) flames of anticipation I was feeling. In a playful way. I’m smiling. I feel good energy. Now I’m ready to finish that proposal I need to submit today. Who knows what other good things will happen! 😃🧡
Hey Jeff, boy can I relate. I was in one of those plastic boots for 10 weeks with a broken ankle and I experienced a depression freak out right before my doctor said I could start walking and moving. I too need movement and exercise to regulate. I’m actually on a walk right now and just finished your meditation. Thank you so much for sharing this. As a meditation guide and coach myself I am not immune to the vagaries of life and appreciate a reminder of how to navigate freak outs.
A new release I’ve recently added to my toolbox is qigong - specifically shaking. I’ll end my day with it if I find it was particularly tense or fraught with emotion - great controlled release!!
Freak outs take a couple different forms for me. I will vent over and over and over to anyone who will listen and post pouty crap on social media about how wronged I feel, sometimes vaguely passive aggressive quotes aimed at the person who wronged me. Other times, I will think, meh, I don't want to work out, especially go for a run and my husband will tell me, 'Babe, you should go run off all that cranky or we're all going to suffer.' Heh. He's right because then my shit escalates into yelling at my whole family, which is no good.
Things have shifted in the past two years since I started going to therapy - I'm 46 so it took me a minute - and my counselor encouraged me to start meditating as well as journaling. Literally three minute body scans to start was his suggestion. Simultaneously he was helping me learning how to feel the feels. Six months of that then we really started working on the trauma that got triggered that led to (continues to lead to) the freak outs.
About a year ago, my husband made dinner but the crock pot died and he didn't realize it. So I was hungry, cranky, and I flipped out on him, the kids who were worried because I lost my shit on their Dad, and whew it was a mess. Talk about inner toddler! My kids actually sat me down later that night (they're 15 and 8 now) to tell me what was up. What a gift. When I told my therapist about it the next day, he was like, 'This could really be a turning point for you and your family. What an opportunity!' Later I talked to my kids, because they asked, about what we could do to help me regulate myself and de-escalate (the word my teenager used, bless social emotional learning in schools!) and we came up with a plan. Kind of glorious.
I can say I haven't had a freak of that size since but have come close. It's much easier to pull myself back from the edge. Lately my therapist and I have been talking about how the meditation practice helps with rewiring the brain. It's cool to see the result of that in real time now. Still work to do on this front and that's OK. I like myself more now than I did two years ago so I'll take it.
Freak Out!
First of all, thank you, Jeff, for your vulnerability. It is comforting for me to know that someone I admire so much and learn so much from is as human (and by human, feel free to insert “fucked up”) as I am. In fact, your honesty makes what I learn from you even more valuable, because I know it’s coming from a human trying to “walk the walk,” as it were, and not a #MindfulnessBot. :):).
So, here’s what happened for me today, and I’m still sort of recovering from it a good twenty minutes later. I was following along with the guidance, and was ready to dive deeply and really lean into my painful struggle, and play with a response that would be creative, and perhaps useful and cathartic.
Well, involuntarily and suddenly, it went into a completely different direction. In a split second, I heard myself saying “help me, please. somebody help me, please. please….” and I just started bawling. And I mean, we’re talking ugly crying here. The kind where you find yourself not really breathing at a regular rate or rhythm.
I was like, WHAT THE F*CK just happened here? I wasn’t feeling particularly horrendous when I started the meditation. I was more or less my baseline depressed and anxious self. But when I leaned into the sense of overwhelm and anxiety I feel all day every day, with the intention of stomping me feet at it, or singing something silly at the top of my lungs, I instead found myself reaching out to some unknown entity in the universe for aid and comfort.
What comfort did I seek and who was I seeking it from? I can’t really say. I simply don’t know. But here’s the thing. I feel a little better for having done it and for having experienced it the way I did.
I tuned in, leaned in, felt the thing, then REALLY felt the thing…..and was present enough to be aware of what it felt like and communicate it all to you here.
And that is a win.
Love to all,
Richard
Richard you should have your own Substack, my friend, your comments are always bang on and fascinating. That kind of spontaneous expression of surrender and humility happens all the time for me. I think it’s part of the healing. It’s working at a deeper level.
Even though you're saying you didn't need it, the maternal in me wanted to answer your call, and be there for you Richard <3
I hope you are doing well today, Richard! I just wanted you to know that I think about you throughout the week and hope you are doing well, holding joy, and feeling loved. Everything you need is always inside of you, and if you ever feel lost or alone, reach out--many, many people will reach back. ♥️
Thank you for an excellent and timely post. I find most of my powerful emotions, whether they pleasant feelings such as love, peace or joy, or those pesky unpleasant emotions like anger, fear or disappointment, come out with tears. This was the biggest AHA moment in my neonate journey into mindfulness….peace comes not from magically zapping those emotions into an equanimous state, but by skillfully discerning the right place and time to take to FEEL them, express them if necessary, or work through them with activity. For me this means I have boxes of Kleenex throughout my home as my usual method is allowing myself to cry followed by some intense journaling. Exercise is also my emotional “reset” button does wonders to discharge that negative energy that builds!
Beautifully said Lauren!
Agree that hamming it up is sometimes the best way. I am going to add another scenario where it sometimes "works." There was a person in my family who had been bullying me for years. I always under-reacted: that is, I just didn't say anything or do anything except maybe avoid her for a while. I didn't yell back or insult her back. I tried every other civilized method to stop the abuse: emailing her a nice NVC letter about how her attacks made me feel, etc. Nothing worked.
Other people in my family witness these attacks and do and say nothing, presumably because they are afraid of being the next target.
Finally about a year ago, after another humiliating attack on me where I responded in a very Buddhist and non-reactive way, and again nobody defended me, this insane bully asked me to do her a favor. And I let her have it. I freaked out. I went very dramatic, over the top angry and scary. I yelled. I said shut up. I said fuck off. (Obviously I was not violent but I was intentionally scary.) All the while I was sort of chuckling inwardly because I knew it was all an act and I was not really out of control. I was "out of control" as if in a movie or a play.
Readers, it worked. She has been very careful not to insult, attack, criticize, belittle or ostracize me since then. It's sad but true: some people will not "respect" you until you turn into the kind of asshole that they understand. A nice person in their view is a weak person and deserves whatever abuse they get. (I have actually heard people say this.)
I have to go spend some time with her and other family members today and I'm not scared or nervous as I had been for years (almost 20 years). I know I can freak out if I need to.
I could not love this story more. Agree that sometimes a very firm boundary needs to be set and people need to see our raw emotionality to know how completely nonnegotiable this really is. I have done something similar with equal success. Hope today went well!
I think I got the idea to do this partly from watching toddlers, mainly my grand-daughter. She gets really mad sometimes, and then a few minutes later, she's fine. Also I see other people's toddlers having tantrums in public and I think, "I wish I could do that." So I did.
Shannon, Although I'm fortunate never to have been bullied, where you got me was on knowingly allowing yourself to lose it with this person. I have a person in my life who frequently ignores my rational and calmly stated objections, preferences, differences of opinion. But I've found that on the rare occasion that I totally lose it and blow up, the response is a first an expression of shock followed by questioning me why I had to go ballistic. When I then calmly explain that it is the only way to get through, it is met with denial, but his behavior completely changes, at least for a while.
I think it's best not to explain your strategy at all. Make them think you're crazy and might do anything. Even if you do it on purpose, pretend you "lost it."
That's fucking awesome! 🙌♥️☺️
Another wonderful share, Jeff. The relatability of that day where everything seems designed to set us off lands here. My typical go to “strategy” is let the feel control when it comes out. Usually not a great approach. In those moments of lucidity and awareness, I’ll take a walk to sit on a bench and breathe or cry it out. A couple of times, the perfect guided meditation has found me in those moments, providing the insight needed to let what is there arrive, do what it needs to do and move on, so that I can move on.
I thank you again for your willingness to continue to put your humanity out there for everyone to see. It is an important reminder that helps me relate to experience and recognize we are never alone in these challenges, especially if we can see and feel them in a less personal, if not impersonal way.
Yeah, the feel usually dictates when it comes out for me too. Appreciate the kind words, David.
Thanks for sharing this post, Jeff. After reading it I realize I have a lot of judgment about my own freak-outs, along the line of "I guess I'm not as emotionally mature as I'd hoped, even after all the effort I've put into learning these skills, and Where is the equanimity and acceptance I'm 'supposed' to have thanks to my regular meditation practice???" I feel ashamed afterward, and disappointed.
My freak-outs these days almost always take the form of an angry, irritable out-loud verbal tirade of complaints and bitterness as I'm cleaning up yet another a mess my dog has made on the rug or a blanket or her bed or... especially if I've stepped in it and tracked it through the house... (she has chronic GI issues.) I do notice almost immediately what I'm doing and often pause for a few seconds to ask myself if I want to let it all out. Usually I do! And at first I'm really angry and feeling like a victim but then it starts to get ludicrous and (almost) funny and I yell something like "Yes, I'm allowed to be angry, anyone would probably be angry about this and yes I'm not in perfect control of myself right now." (My dog is the only witness and she's learned to not feel afraid when her crazy owner does this.)
Anyway, I appreciate you normalizing this for me. A lot. I'm going to take your lead and make my next freak-out even more ridiculous and ideally even laugh afterward...
Let me know how it goes!! Also used to feel ashamed after my outbursts, and disappointed. I think part of it is internalizing all these soft spoken contemplative ideals. That’s not really something I’m interested in anymore.
This resonates so much, Amy! And Jeff spot on the feelings of disappointment and shame for not getting a better hold of myself.
I had a lot of fun with this meditation - thank you!!!
Yes Cristina I'm resonating with that too <3
It’s all part of our emotional smorgasbord, you gotta let it out. That goes for love too. It’s all part of us.
👍
Thank you Jeff. After living alone in my apartment for 6 months I am having bits of freakout too, although mine seem to be more tears and some negative self talk. A day at a time
Tears are the original catharsis. I’m sorry about the critical self talk, that’s the worst. I’ve got some meditations about relating to that stuff a bit differently if you’re interested Andrea
I hope you're having a good day today. ♥️
What you described resonates with me so very much. I have been that ball; rocking back and forth, crying, overwhelmed, while my partner eats yogurt, well, no, resolving her own reactivity/frustration to my personal, temporary madness. Thanks for sharing the anecdotal "this is how my reality works" one-person anthropology in real time. There's something to this "wilding" at a personal level thing that really resonates.
Good to know I’m not alone Greg thank you for this. It really can be utterly horrible and overwhelming. I usually mix the acting out with a bunch of surrender and asking reality for help too. All of it feels a lot like… ceremony? I think that’s part of what communal ceremony and rituals offer us . Anyway, good to be connected!
wow...a ceremony...interesting!
I loved this and loved reading everyone’s comments. Have shared with this group already that my nephew is facing a terminal brain tumor diagnosis. Which strangely feels safe to share here when it doesn’t necessarily among people who know me better if that makes any sense. Anyway, last night was my first full night of sleep since we got this news 3 weeks ago. Sun is coming up - started out just feeling grateful for the sleep and peaceful. And then the tears did come but mainly the feeling that he is alive today, the sun is coming up today. He is facing this with an incredible amount of resolve, courage and good humor so how can the rest of us not? Thought of a quote attributed to Winston Churchill “when you’re going through hell, just keep going”. Peace to all
Peace to you and your brave nephew Janie. I have found this free film helpful:
https://www.nfb.ca/film/griefwalker/?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAA-CSfxYabLWdnL1DLM2og_XPCYoF6&gclid=CjwKCAjwktO_BhBrEiwAV70jXmiWOzVuiHyoSi1Hx-yx0wjilHxrtNTKlBtxDtjVIcX6eIfRc9pJixoCYakQAvD_BwE
Big truth in this film. I sat down and watched it right away. Thank you for sending.
Janie, I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this! I can't imagine how you're feeling. Please know my heart is with you. ♥️💔♥️
Like many others, this resonated with me. I think what was particularly striking was this idea that our relationship to emotion starts from so many different places and we come to meditation to maybe calm it down or handle it somehow. But then if we trust the meditation process we realise we don’t have to handle it. It can be. Loud or quiet. Dramatic or poignant.
I meditated for a long time with a live group where it seemed I never got ’better’ at managing my emotions. What I’ve found from your guidance and approach is really trusting the meditation and sometimes that allows me to have the emotion—nothing extra or bad—just being sad or angry or terrified.
I get this! Just because I have a meditation practice does not mean I cannot feel/express my emotions. In fact, my meditation practice has allowed me to be better able to tune into my emotions. Thanks for normalizing a freak out, Jeff. I feel it is an honour when someone trusts me enough to freak out then still understand the relationship is intact and healthy.
Yes!
I visualized a temper tantrum - like the lay on the floor and kick your feet and pound your hands while screaming kind of tantrum. Tears began flowing and I felt a release of emotions and pent up angst. Thank you for the prompts and reminder that getting creative with our minds can help our emotions move in our bodies!
Susan, my inner toddler sees you ! I’m so glad you did that. I wasn’t sure how the meditation would land for folks so this is helpful.
Your story reminds me of something my old teacher, Shinzen once said, talking about his “angry baby” - this raw part of him way down that actually got increasingly exposed through his meditation practice, like he exfoliated all the layers that kept it hidden. Maybe the more we develop our capacity for equanimity, the more we encounter new inner intensities- who knows?
who know's whats in there!!!!!!! let's keep sharing what we find :)
Hey Jeff...This was a great note and also a great meditation... My go-to is to take a long hot shower and yell a lot while I am in the shower stall. It's very satisfying since I am already under running water, no one is here except me and therefore I can't scare anyone. I used to do a pillow scream but I find this way much more cathartic. Thanks for all you do. Today's Daily Trip was also a real winner.... xoxoxox Miriam. Yesterday I went to an Anti-trump rally yesterday so I was free to do a lot of screaming WITH other people, not AT other people. much love.
Screaming with people is the best. I also enjoy lusty shower singing ❤️
Exactly!!! By the way for some reason I am Mimi and Abe on my you tube account. Just want you to know it’s me! Appreciate the hellos last night on the do nothing sit. Not sure if I should try to fix it on YouTube afraid I might screw it up!! Take care. Hope the foot is ok!
Where is link for hangout zoom?
Without knowing it, that is what I needed this morning. This meditation fanned the (medium) flames of anticipation I was feeling. In a playful way. I’m smiling. I feel good energy. Now I’m ready to finish that proposal I need to submit today. Who knows what other good things will happen! 😃🧡
Your good energy words were uplifting for me :)
Thank you, Suzy! 😃
Hey Jeff, boy can I relate. I was in one of those plastic boots for 10 weeks with a broken ankle and I experienced a depression freak out right before my doctor said I could start walking and moving. I too need movement and exercise to regulate. I’m actually on a walk right now and just finished your meditation. Thank you so much for sharing this. As a meditation guide and coach myself I am not immune to the vagaries of life and appreciate a reminder of how to navigate freak outs.
Yeah! Nice to be connected. Cool about the meditation coaching …
A new release I’ve recently added to my toolbox is qigong - specifically shaking. I’ll end my day with it if I find it was particularly tense or fraught with emotion - great controlled release!!
One of my faves
I'm going to check this qigong shaking out, thanks Cristina!
Freak outs take a couple different forms for me. I will vent over and over and over to anyone who will listen and post pouty crap on social media about how wronged I feel, sometimes vaguely passive aggressive quotes aimed at the person who wronged me. Other times, I will think, meh, I don't want to work out, especially go for a run and my husband will tell me, 'Babe, you should go run off all that cranky or we're all going to suffer.' Heh. He's right because then my shit escalates into yelling at my whole family, which is no good.
Things have shifted in the past two years since I started going to therapy - I'm 46 so it took me a minute - and my counselor encouraged me to start meditating as well as journaling. Literally three minute body scans to start was his suggestion. Simultaneously he was helping me learning how to feel the feels. Six months of that then we really started working on the trauma that got triggered that led to (continues to lead to) the freak outs.
About a year ago, my husband made dinner but the crock pot died and he didn't realize it. So I was hungry, cranky, and I flipped out on him, the kids who were worried because I lost my shit on their Dad, and whew it was a mess. Talk about inner toddler! My kids actually sat me down later that night (they're 15 and 8 now) to tell me what was up. What a gift. When I told my therapist about it the next day, he was like, 'This could really be a turning point for you and your family. What an opportunity!' Later I talked to my kids, because they asked, about what we could do to help me regulate myself and de-escalate (the word my teenager used, bless social emotional learning in schools!) and we came up with a plan. Kind of glorious.
I can say I haven't had a freak of that size since but have come close. It's much easier to pull myself back from the edge. Lately my therapist and I have been talking about how the meditation practice helps with rewiring the brain. It's cool to see the result of that in real time now. Still work to do on this front and that's OK. I like myself more now than I did two years ago so I'll take it.
Happy to hear the practice has been regulating Kris.
Also: My partner has a similarly passionate attachment to our crockpot 😂
The crock pot is a game changer. 🥰