Something happens. Something you did, some behavior you repeat. You see its negative effect on yourself and the people around you. You know – in a moment of sanity – that the more you repeat this behavior, the more inevitable it will become. And the fact that this behavior is still here – after all this time, and maybe also after all this work – means it already has a certain momentum.
If your mind is like mine, it jumps to what feels like the only logical conclusion: this behavior will never change. The habit is entrenched, an indelible part of your character.
There’s no getting away from this future.
Desolation and helplessness set in.
My mind went there a few weeks ago. I could see an unhealthy family dynamic clearly, and the depressing reality of it pulled me even deeper into my bipolar downswing (like clockwork, it happens roughly one day every three weeks). I felt hopeless and overwhelmed. I lay on my side in a corner of the mudroom, like a dejected dog. I wanted to disappear, especially from myself.
Then … huh … some reflex took over. My attention, seemingly all by itself, moved to a point in the middle of my belly.
It was like watering a tiny seed.
My body said: ‘You don’t need to change anything, you only need the strength to get through this moment.’
So, I checked in … what was even here?
Pressure, radiating through my heart and stomach.
Tension. Tingles.
Space.
I felt a weight lift from my rib cage. Suddenly the big breaths were coming all on their own.
Meditation is the practice of remembering there is only this moment. And the closer you get to the moment, the less there is of it. The less there is to be oppressed by, or to fear, or to try to control. It’s all just pixels in awareness.
Confronted with my certainties, can I get humble instead? Can I shrinkwrap down, out of past and future, even out of behavior and identity, into the mystery that is always right here?
Yes.
“Oh, do not ask, "What is it?" Let us go and make our visit.”
T. S. Eliot
In today’s meditation, we make our visit.
Love to my friends and community,
Jeff
A few quick notes—
New to Home Base? We have over 70 free guided meditations in our audio library, over 60 extended meditations, over 365 meditations on YouTube, and a growing number of community practice videos. New writing, new audio meditations, and new DNP live community practice sessions happen every week.
Did you find me on Calm or Happier? While the meditations I recorded for the apps live on in perpetuity, I no longer record new meditations for them. My latest work happens here; becoming a paid subscriber is the best way to support that work. I give paid scholarships to anyone who asks (email info@jeffwarren.org). If you found this meditation and post helpful, but becoming a paid subscriber isn’t an option, you can also …
Many thanks!
THIS WEEK ON THE MIND BOD ADVENTURE POD
This week, we welcome Ofosu Jones-Quartey, meditation teacher, author, and hip-hop artist. This discussion is very fun! It starts with how to share meditation and mindfulness with young people – how to stay real and relatable. Then we get into the role of the artist, creativity, and what it means to connect to your actual voice.
We do two practices: the first is a self-compassion practice that ends with Ofosu singing. And that leads to a second practice: an actual song - a beautiful (it made Jeff cry) hip-hop track called “Avalo” that features the voices of Ofosu’s wife and daughter. Ofosu plays the full music video for us. Definitely worth checking out!
