My 16-year-old daughter, Kayla, found out this afternoon that her boyfriend died last night. She hadn't yet told me about him, but they'd been together since July and were planning to have him meet me next week — I would have absolutely loved him! His sister doesn't live at home and found him this morning when she stopped by to see if he wanted to do something. He had been sober since March and relapsed, it was accidental; they think it was laced with fentanyl. His mom works nights, so nobody was home; no one was there to hear his cries for help. This is going to be dreadfully awful for Kayla, and I don't know how to make it okay for her. I'm beyond scared that it will hit her so hard that she'll get upset at some point and end up hurting herself or worse (she used to self-harm and has been hospitalized a few times for wanting to kill herself). I just don't know how to make this okay for her. My poor, sweet baby girl, I just want to help her, and I don't know how! I want to take all of her pain and suffering and hopelessness and I can't! My poor, sweet baby girl... Please hold her gently in your thoughts.
I'm so so sorry Andrea, for his family and your daughter. How is Kayla doing? Sending you fierce strength. Hope you are able to find the right supports for her. Sending compassion for you too: it's brutal being a parent and seeing your kids suffer. You'd take it all on yourself if you could, and the fact that you can't makes everything a hundred times worse. Try to get below the spin cycle of that, to the actual sensations of the moment - moment by moment, no further out – and the presence of being available to both your own feelings and your daughter's. Presence presence presence.
Thank you, that means a lot. Kayla amazes me each and every day, and I'm doing my best to support what she needs whether it's crying, laughing, or reminiscing. Thank you for reminding me to stay in the moment, as that is truly all we have. 🙏💔
My 16-year-old daughter, Kayla, found out this afternoon that her boyfriend died last night. She hadn't yet told me about him, but they'd been together since July and were planning to have him meet me next week — I would have absolutely loved him! His sister doesn't live at home and found him this morning when she stopped by to see if he wanted to do something. He had been sober since March and relapsed, it was accidental; they think it was laced with fentanyl. His mom works nights, so nobody was home; no one was there to hear his cries for help. This is going to be dreadfully awful for Kayla, and I don't know how to make it okay for her. I'm beyond scared that it will hit her so hard that she'll get upset at some point and end up hurting herself or worse (she used to self-harm and has been hospitalized a few times for wanting to kill herself). I just don't know how to make this okay for her. My poor, sweet baby girl, I just want to help her, and I don't know how! I want to take all of her pain and suffering and hopelessness and I can't! My poor, sweet baby girl... Please hold her gently in your thoughts.
I'm so so sorry Andrea, for his family and your daughter. How is Kayla doing? Sending you fierce strength. Hope you are able to find the right supports for her. Sending compassion for you too: it's brutal being a parent and seeing your kids suffer. You'd take it all on yourself if you could, and the fact that you can't makes everything a hundred times worse. Try to get below the spin cycle of that, to the actual sensations of the moment - moment by moment, no further out – and the presence of being available to both your own feelings and your daughter's. Presence presence presence.
Thank you, that means a lot. Kayla amazes me each and every day, and I'm doing my best to support what she needs whether it's crying, laughing, or reminiscing. Thank you for reminding me to stay in the moment, as that is truly all we have. 🙏💔
My heart aches for all involved, what a sad loss of life and companionship and hopes and dreams. 🩷💗💓💖
Thank you, Suzy. 💔